Were You Raised to Believe Your Productivity = Your Worth? Let's Deprogram that with Randi Crawford!

Randi Crawford is a certified life coach and former public healthcare CEO with a unique, energetic approach to helping women redefine authority, navigate parenting transitions, and own their impact in midlife. Her work focuses on bridging the communication gap between parents and children, which is why she's writing a hilarious and insightful new book, The Pickleball Parenting Playbook.

In this must-listen conversation, Randi shares her story of answering a powerful nudge from the universe and stepping into her calling, despite the initial fear of what others might think. She provides powerful strategies for slowing down to speed up, creating profound family connections, and why "action creates clarity."

This episode will help you with:

💥 Overcoming the Fear of External Judgement and the "carpool moms" critique as you step into a new, authentic role.

⏰ Shifting from Productivity-as-Worth to truly being present with your family and yourself, leading to bigger wins.

🗣️ Bridging the Communication Gap by learning the difference between listening to fix and listening to listen.

💡 Answering the Universe's Nudge by taking imperfect action, because the only way to build confidence is to do something.

❤️ Connecting with Your Kids by figuring out their love language and creating small, impactful routines, like a "tech-free night of yes."

This conversation is a shot of pure, unadulterated energy that will inspire you to drop the self-doubt, silence the inner critic, and step into your role as an impactful leader—at home and in your business. Ready to take decisive action toward your next level of growth? Tune in now!

Connect with Randi: website | instagram @randicrawfordcoaching | linkedin | tiktok

Connect with Kate: mskatehouse.com | @mskatehouse | mastermind | courses | speaking | FREE overcoming overwhelm masterclass

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Transform from overwhelmed to empowered!

My complimentary Overcoming Overwhelm Masterclass provides the tools to manage stress, gain clarity, and own your authority.

Get it now: https://mskatehouse.myflodesk.com/overwhelm

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:03

Welcome to the Owning Her Authority Podcast, your go-to place for women thought leaders ready to amplify their voice and scale their impact. Here you'll gain the clarity and confidence to fully step into your thought leadership experience, activate your vision, and confidently create the impact you know you're destined for. Hey Randy, welcome to the Owning Her Authority Podcast. I am so excited for this conversation with you. Welcome. Thank you, you and me both. Oh my goodness, this is gonna be so much fun. Sometimes as I'm preparing for an interview, I was telling Randy before we hit record, I was like getting more and more excited because I was like Randy's energy and enthusiasm and just like vigor for supporting others. I'm like, this is gonna be so juicy. So, Randy, for anyone who's tuning in and they're like, who is Randy Crawford? What is she all about? Who does she support? Can you tell us all about yourself?

SPEAKER_01: 0:54

I would love to. So I um I'm a person I was born with a ridiculous amount of energy. So I'm just gonna start out and say that. No, I haven't had five cups of coffee, I've never had an indoor voice. This is just me. I'm sorry. People always ask my kids, like, is she always like that? And they're like, Yes. Um but I so I ran a public health care company for years, and that obviously kept me busy all day, all night, all weekend for many years. In about 2004, that all stopped. And I was gonna be the stay-at-home mom. I think my kids were around two and five at the time. And you know, you decide you're gonna be a stay-at-home mom for a couple of years, and then you're gonna get back into the workforce. But I don't, you know, your kids are still young, but one year turns into five years, and that turns into 10 years really, really fast. And I think, you know, I wrote columns for the local papers. So I stayed a little busy, but not busy enough to keep me like you know, doing the schedule I was used to. So as my kids were getting older and more independent, my husband throws this at me. So I just want moms to be prepared. Like, Randy, why don't you just find something fun to do? And when you're so busy checking stuff off a list every day for kids, you're like, fun.

unknown: 2:06

What?

SPEAKER_01: 2:07

How can you even ask me that? Like, what is that? What is that word? Like, fun is going to happy hours, you know, like with my friends before games, fun is watching my kids at their games. So that really, that question, it just like took my breath for a while. And I remember I kept Googling, but it was way before, you know, this is before you had Chat GPT and all these things where you could just say, Listen, here's the things I'm good at, just tell me what to do. And I tried to figure out what I was really good at. And then one day I just said, you know what? I'm just gonna like take an action and do something. So I marched myself to the mall and I walked into anthropology, which is my favorite retail store, and I hate shopping, and I'm not even a big shopper, and I applied for a job. And like they call me two days later and they say you got the job. And I'll never forget that call. I'm like, what do you mean I got the job? I don't even know what I'm doing. I told you I I've never worked in retail, right? I'm not qualified. Are you sure? Are you this is Randy? Are you sure? Sure. So I remember my husband was like, Randy, if you don't like it, you could just quit. And you know, I'm one of those people like, don't put quitting on the table. I haven't even started. Like, I'm gonna torch this job. Yeah, like I'm gonna run this place. I'm gonna be running anthropology. So I get there, I'll never forget. This is so funny. All these young girls and me are there on our first day of onboarding. They told us to put our purses in the office, so I do. And uh, with that are my reading glasses. So we go outside and they tell us to take out our phone and download an app and learn all this stuff so we can get our schedules, and I can't even read. And I'm so horrified. I'm like older than everyone. I can't read this. So the younger girls are just taking my phone and doing it all for me. And I thought, if I can get through this day, I can basically get through anything. And to fast forward that story, very quickly, I became a stylist at anthropology. And very quickly after that, it was very apparent to me. Like we all have our lanes. So there are some girls that are young and they are absolutely outstanding, outstanding at like the cash wrap. They're just, you know, working that computer, something I could never figure out ever. There are some girls that are fantastic at knowing where everything is in the store. Again, me, it's like finding that game of like, you know, flipping the cards and remembering where they are. It's very hard because the visual people at Anthro are always moving stuff around. But me, I was really, really good at connecting with customers and making them feel really, really good, having a good time, laughing and buying things. And so I think that's how I quickly became a stylist. And while I knew that wasn't going to be my long term, it all fit into the pattern in my life of working with women and making them feel good. Because when they felt good, I mean, I would leave a shift just feeling like I can't, it's a hard feeling to explain, but just like, wow, that was a four-hour retail shift. But I like, I feel so good about myself. And I couldn't really ever explain that to people, but that's how then we'll get into it. But that's how I ended up starting to do my life coaching because one sort of led to the other. But the comedy is I still do work at Anthro on the weekends because it's something I just can't give up. It's just really fun.

SPEAKER_00: 5:18

I love that. Well, and it's such a big impact. Like, as somebody who like, I will get something and I will wear it to death. And like, or or if I find something I love, I buy it in every color. Like a jumpsuit this summer, I bought in four colors. And I was like, I have like permanent tan lines, I think, from this jumpsuit now at the end of the summer. But it makes a huge impact, right? When you find something that you're like, I feel like I could go out there and own the world in this outfit. Like, that is such a gift that you give to people. So no wonder you would leave it a shift and be like, I feel so energized, right? And then I do.

SPEAKER_01: 5:50

You really do because you want to know something. This is what I learned about retail. I didn't know this because I, like I said, I'm not a shopper. I remember all these comments I would make to my husband. One was, wow, Mike, um, I'm a cheap date. Like, there are women that come in all the time. So let's just get that party started. Number two, a lot of women really don't enjoy, you know, shopping and trying things on. So they'll just come in and want to buy a bunch of stuff. They're in the store physically, and I'm like, let's just go try it on. And they'll say, you know what, I'm just gonna go home. And it's very intimidating to them. So for me, when I could get someone that I could just really feel their energy immediately, and I knew, you know, that they're just not having the best day and get them into the fitting room and get them laughing. Like for me, that's where I was like, I don't care if they buy one thing, this woman's in a better mood, and I'm part of that. And I just that's what makes me feel so good.

SPEAKER_00: 6:43

Oh my gosh. I mean, such a gift. And I can imagine just like that little bit of time that these people spend with you has such an impact. But now with the coaching that you do, I mean, my gosh, like so much more time with you, so much more like individual attention. So, what was that transition like? Like, was that did did it just kind of your like occur to you one day, like, oh, this is the next right step, or was it this kind of like process of getting there?

SPEAKER_01: 7:04

Well, no, that's an interesting question. So, because I believe very much that the universe is always speaking to us, I just do. I'm walking my dog one day, and I used to always listen to a podcast with Guy Raz called uh How I Built This. Oh, and I generally would listen like the first 15 or 20 minutes because he always interviewed people that had big companies, and the stories were always the same, just packaged differently. And one day he was interviewing Jay Shetty. I had never heard of Jay Shetty, believe it or not. I didn't know who he was, and I'm listening to this podcast, and it is so good, I can't even stop. So I listened to the full podcast, and at the very end, he says, you know, I'm offering this life coaching certification. A lot of people obviously have always said, You should be a life coach, you should be a life coach, you know, because I'm always coaching these girls. And one of my jobs when I was running the company was HR, like all sorts of stuff. But I always had a vision of a life coach, like, you know, like a white coat, kind of stiff, like, let's talk about the tell me about your feelings, you know. And that's not who I am whatsoever. So I listened to Jay and I go home that day. I call, they're like, you might want to think about this. No, there's no thinking about it. So then they say it could take like a year to get certified. I mean, people really take their time. No, I don't have a year. So I called Anthro and I said, I can't work there anymore. I'm gonna get into the life coaching. And they said, Can you just work for us on the weekends? They were so good to me. So I ended up, this is the kind of thing when you know you love something. At five in the morning, I was popping out of bed, getting on my computer, you know, reading, checking off the boxes, and I was meeting with clients from all over the world. It was really amazing. Like I was working with people in India and London, and I just did everything. So if they said do five of something, I would do like 25 of that something. Just I wanted to get this all under my belt, and I just loved it and I ate it up. And um, and so it was like, I really felt like though, the reason that I heard that podcast that day and I listened to the full thing, I would have never known had I not heard the whole thing. And from the minute that that happened, I just sort of a string of things happened in my life that made, I believe we're all energy, and I believe the energy I kind of put out there, and so it started coming back, but that's really how that happened.

SPEAKER_00: 9:16

Oh my gosh, I love that so much. I've had times I also think the universe like speaks to us and gives us these little like nudges sometimes, or sometimes it's like a shove. And I've had times where you know I was working a more traditional nine to five. Somebody was like, I think you should be a yoga teacher. And I was like, Have you been reading my diary? Because I want to be a yoga teacher, right? And then somebody was like, I think you should start a podcast. And it was like, Have you been reading my diary? I've always wanted to start a podcast, right? It's like these, you know, and and so I love that you listen to that episode. And I think sometimes though, women, especially, we can have this tendency to second guess ourselves. So, what would you tell the woman who's like, I think I got an edge from the universe, but I don't know. Or like, or she's afraid to trust herself or that like hit of intuition. What would you tell that person?

SPEAKER_01: 10:00

Well, I'll tell you, listening to your question, okay, to me, it's so it's glaring. They're not second guessing their intuition, they're scared that what their friends are gonna say about them. They like, we're all used to being in the carpool, you know, at the drop-off and the pickup and all the women talk. We all do it, that's what we do. That's our nature. And so even when I started the retail job, I very vividly remember one of the thoughts that came across my mind was like, what's gonna happen if one of my friends walks in here, right? And I'm working at a retail job. And are they all gonna be saying, you know, oh, Randy must be hard up, she needs to be working, you know? And then I was like, huh, I've never really cared what other people think. And if they want to talk, let them talk. So I think it's so important for women to know that like we get this one shot. You know what I mean? Like people always say, if I had a second, there is no second. This is it. And I just can't emphasize that enough. If we are so worried that our friend group or the women at Carpool are going to be talking about us, those are not our women. You know what I mean? Now, on the same token, I don't expect women to spend their time making my business, you know, grow. I don't expect them. A lot of people come in with like, well, if they're not supporting me, if they're not liking everything I do, they're not my friend. And I tell women, that's not true either. It is not their responsibility to grow you. If you're doing something that you love, that's like that's your spiritual currency right there. Hopefully you're getting paid for it as well. But just know that the ones that are outside of the boxing ring talking about you, like, get rid of those people because they're not worth your time anyway. That's why I think a lot of women are scared to take that first step, whatever that first step is.

SPEAKER_00: 11:42

Yeah, no, I think you're absolutely right. There's so many times when it's like, well, what will my friend think? What will my neighbor think? What will the moms at pickup think? What will my family think? Right. And or even sometimes my partner, right? And it's like, oh gosh, like if there, if I could just like tell everyone out there, it's like if it is an alignment for you and it is in your heart and you feel fire about it, you gotta bring people into your life who are in that same kind of like frequency or who are like reaching for those same kind of goals. Like, have you found that to be true for you too?

SPEAKER_01: 12:11

Yeah, no, a hundred percent. Because it's like, if you're so excited, you know, I have found this, and a lot of people say if you're doing something, you know, don't tell everyone. I do sort of agree with that, right? Like, so you wanna do what lights you up because it lights you up. You're not doing it for these other people. But like, I'll give you a great example. So, social media. So I'm in the process of writing this book, and when you write a book, yeah, they keep telling you this concept. You have to build your platform, you have to build your platform. You need, you know, hundreds of millions of this and that. And someone like me is like, well, what does that even mean? Build a platform. So I put it out there, right? I tell everybody, hey, I'm building a platform. Like, if you can help me, would you help me? Like, I need to know. So they're like, Well, then you gotta get on social media. So when my kids were growing up, I'll be honest, I was never like 100% anti the Facebook movement. I'm not posting touchdowns and cheerleading, like none of it. Because I always felt like it was just so to me, it was so cringy. Like, that's just not who I am. I would send a group chat to my family, like, oh, look at what we did this weekend. But I'm not putting it out there, I'm not judging the people that do. It is just not my value system. So when everybody says you have to go on social media and you have to come in hot, it's like, wait, oh my God, I do like I can't do that, I can't do that. And then one day I just remember, I was like, you know what? Like, I think it was Gary V that I listened to. He's kind of a like wild, right? But he said, and it just hit me if you're not using social media to grow your audience, you're an idiot. And I was on my treadmill and I'm like, you know what? I'm an idiot. I have to stop being against this social media movement. I am gonna use this to grow my platform, and that's what I've been doing. And I post every day. And sometimes I love my posts, and sometimes I, if I don't feel it, then I don't post that day. But like again, if I worried that people are like, oh, look at Randy, look at her, she's posting again. I mean, don't follow me. Don't, you know, mute me. Do what you gotta do. Because this is for an audience of people. I am so passionate about my cause, which is getting parents to take a step back and to like stop living their kids' lives for them. That I'm gonna go out there every day with a message. And if you want to listen to it, please come and listen. And if you don't like it, don't listen. But you can't listen to the voices that are telling you that everyone's gonna be talking about you. Once again, you have to just tune that out.

SPEAKER_00: 14:28

Yes. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I think the older I get, the less and less I care what other people think. Like it's kind of amazing. Like, I think when I was younger, I was like so concerned with like, how do I look or how is this perceived? And then you're absolutely right because it's like you're speaking to a very specific person, and that's the person you're calling in. And so if somebody wants to, you know, not be part of that conversation, that's okay, right? They're gonna go find the other person that they need to hear from. And so tell us more about the work that you're doing, though, with parents, especially and living their own lives. Because I think a lot of the people listening to this show have poured a lot into their careers, into their families. And sometimes we wake up, you know, midlife and we're like, What am I doing? Like, and like you said, the question that your husband has, like, what do you think? Why don't you do something for fun? And you're like, I don't, what do I like? What is this fun that you speak of? Is that tied to the work that you do? What is this fun that you speak of? And that is a great question.

SPEAKER_01: 15:22

Well, you know, it's so it's like I talked about when you're a parent and you're like, I'm just gonna take a year off and it just keeps growing. Because I think, you know, when you listen to people say, I love this so much, like you have to live in the present. You have to live in the present. And you just kind of want to knock their teeth out. What do you mean live in the present? I'm here right now, or am I? I'm present. I'm present. But it's like, no, we're not present. Because a lot of times, see, when you're a life coach, it really teaches you, really, really teaches you to be present. Because when you're talking to somebody, and everybody I work with is all over the country, right? So it's over Zoom. So if I'm talking to a young girl or her mom, but my mind is on my grocery list or my son coming home or my daughter or anything else, I miss what they're saying. And I know that they can feel that I am missing it because it's like you can just see. So you can be present, like present, but you're not really present. And so I think that if we as a culture in general learned how to really, really be present in what we were doing, we would take that time and understand that 15 minutes with our kids is better than an hour with our kids where we're on our phone the whole time and we're both on our phones, and then maybe we get five minutes of actual talking time. So it's like being really present in your life because it listen, it happened to me. So everything I'm talking about right now was my entire life with my two kids. It's like you go from getting them out of bed to getting them to, you know, they're off to school, then getting them their sports stuff, and then as they get older, traveling all summer to tournaments and going to chair competition, your life is a constant checklist. And what we do is we follow that checklist because we have coaches in our ears telling us, you can't miss this tournament, you can't miss this chair competition, you can't miss this, or you're not gonna get into the college you want. And we never stop as a family ever to just A, have family dinners together once a week and B just ask each other and then listen to each other to say, what do we want? And I think it is such an important part of our family unit to like take our lives back, even if it's one dinner a week. I'm a big fan of a small win, and a small win adds to another small win, and they all add up, and then you start to feel the big wins. So I'm not saying a goal of like set three family dinners a week, but like if you can even just do one, you would not believe how much that will bring you together. And then you might learn, wow, my kid really is good at this, but they don't really love it to the point where they want to do it in college, or you know, this kid is really having trouble with someone at school, and but they want to handle it, they don't want me to handle it, but we don't do that because as I as I always say, what we do is we listen to fix, we just never listen to listen, and because we have so much invested in the outcome. So I think it's just very important that we get present with our families, we get present with ourselves, and then we'll be able to listen. Even with our own selves, we'll be able to listen. And that's how it happens, but it's by slowing down.

SPEAKER_00: 18:20

Yes. Oh my goodness. Well, and it's so funny because as you say slowing down, I know there are people listening who are like, oh God, Brandy, I'm allergic to that. Right. Because I think many of us, myself included, were raised to believe that our productivity equals our worth. And it's taken me so long to deprogram that, to be able to sit in my home and read one of my romantic fantasy books and see like an unfolded pile of laundry or dirty dishes and to be like, you know what? That can wait. I can read for 30 minutes and just enjoy this time and be present with this book and with myself and do something that I find to be fun. Do you find that in your practice as well, that whole idea of productivity?

SPEAKER_01: 18:56

Oh, I absolutely, I mean, that I was wired that way. I am wired. I mean, my whole life growing up, my dad's saying was time is your enemy. Time is your enemy. So I, you know, being wired the way I am and getting wanting to do as much as I do, I slept for like maybe four hours a night. I never slept, I was constantly going. But it's like you're like running in circles, getting nothing done. And when you learn that if you really slow down and like, let's just keep using the example of 15 minutes in an hour, if you get a lot done in that 15 minutes, you don't need the whole hour because you're not taking a task and then answering a phone call and then looking at an email, and then like you don't get sidetracked. You say, I'm gonna dedicate this much time to this activity. Trust me, I understand the no slowing down because it's the story of my life. Like, my husband is a great example. He's a guy that like he'll put something in the oven and he'll wait for the oven to get hot for 15 minutes and then he'll put it in for another 20 minutes to warm up. Whereas I'm like, listen, just throw it in the mic away for three minutes and then we can eat it. And he's like, You can't live your life like that. You know what I'm saying? I am the queen of that. But when it comes to happiness, especially with moms and daughters, and that's basically my clientele. So I'm not excluding dads and sons, but I generally get a call from a mom and I work with the daughter. And you know, what I see is a very big communication gap between moms and daughters. And it's because nobody's taking the time to really understand what is going on. And so it's very fulfilling, obviously, when you're able to help them see it. Like I don't tell them what's going on, but when you're able to help them fill that gap, it's it's very rewarding feeling.

SPEAKER_00: 20:34

That's so beautiful. I mean, what a gift, right? To be able to help families communicate and to hold space for each other. You know, as you were talking about how we we listen to fix, it reminded me of this thing my husband and I learned a long time ago. And it's it was the example is he was having a hard time at work. This was probably like 10 years ago, and he was talking to me about it, and I was just offering solutions. And he was just like, you know, babe, I really just need you to listen. And I was like, oh, oh, because I'm a fixer. And then I finally, I think I heard a podcast and it was like, you can you can hold space and you can listen or you can offer solutions. And so now we ask each other, we'll be like, I know you had a tough day. Do you want support or do you want solutions? Right. And it's so helpful to be like, How can I support you? Right? Do you need me to hold space for you or do you need me to help you like problem solve?

SPEAKER_01: 21:22

Well, I think that's the best thing that you can say. And that is what you just said is exactly, and again, when I say this, trust me, it did not happen in my house. I would get in the same argument, let's just say with my son or my daughter over and over, and they would say, Stop interrupting me, let me finish. And as a mom, you're like, but I know how this is gonna end. I know the conversation because we've had it 10 times, I know how it's gonna end. And if you just did what I said, it would get done, it would get done better and faster and blah, blah, blah. But like we just, it's so hard for us. I know it's so hard for us, but we have to just listen. And when you do that, actually, it really disarms them because all of a sudden they're talking and they're waiting to be interrupted, and you're not interrupting, and then they're waiting for you to come in hot, like with the solution, and you're not. And then they're just like, oh, and then the more you look at them, the more they talk. The quieter you are, the more that they talk. And it's like it's a technique that a lot of people use, right? If you want someone to keep talking, you just you just zip it. And so all of a sudden you do it once and you're like, what just happened? Like, what was that voodoo magic? You know what I mean? You can't even believe it. And you start to see this. Now your kids are six and seven, so you're not really there yet, but you start to see this shift in the relationship when they feel like they're being heard because they've been able to complete their thought, and then you can ask them, do you want a solution or do you just want me to listen? And I'm telling you, and I'm telling anybody, that is at with with partners, with parents and kids, that is something that is so small, but so big. It's it's incredible.

SPEAKER_00: 22:57

I love that. So I have a question, Randy, as like the type of coach that you are. So my husband and I do this thing with our kids where once a month, so we two, we'll take, like, I'll take Dexter and he'll take Conrad. And then the next month we switch and we go on a one-on-one date with the with our kid, and they get to choose it. We call it like a yes night, like they get to choose where we go. So if they're like, I want to go to McDonald's, you're like, Okay, yes, even though I don't want to eat McDonald's, but that's what he wants. Or for it most of the time, it's the buffet down the road because they have an epic arcade. So we end up going there. And so we let them choose where we go. And we like there's no tech allowed, and we just talk to them and we'll even ask them questions like, Hey, is there anything that I do that you don't like? And one time one of our kids was like, Oh, um, I really like when we have tickle fights, but I don't like when they when I'm surprised by a tickle fight. I want to know like it's starting. And that was huge for us because we're like, Oh, I didn't know that you didn't like that, right? Like you enjoy it, but you need to know that we're going to do it, right? And so is that something that would be it will be supportive for them in the future too? Do you think like to continue as they get older and older, not just when they're little and you know, we're still their best friends?

SPEAKER_01: 24:06

Like, I love everything about what you just said. I don't want my brain to forget anything, and I am in a puzzle, so I might forget things. The first thing I said is that you made it a tech free night because the kid, you know, you can't say to a kid today, well, you can have no technology, but the kids, especially even the kids that come into anthropology, the one-year-olds, they stare at a screen the entire time and they are so digitally focused, they do not know how to interact with the world around them. So I love, first of all, that you have a complete tech free night and that you make it like a night of yes. And the fact that you're asking them those questions is so important because another thing that I see, and there's a listen, again, as the kids get older, you you will hear about this. There's a lot of estrangement in families because parents parent from fear sometimes, a lot of times, and they parent from their ego. So they will not say, I'm sorry. And, you know, it's like these younger kids will build up this resentment because listen, as I say all the time, we make mistakes all the time as parents, and we don't know we're doing it, and we're just trying to do our best, even when we interfere in their lives, and even when we helicopter, we're only trying our best. And we need somebody to tell us, okay, you need to put on the brakes, like you need to stop and you need to take a step back. So the fact that you not only are having the date night, which I love, the night of yes, which I love, and the tech free, which I love, you're asking them for feedback on because that is so important that they get to be a part of, like, I do, I love this, but I don't love that. It tells me that you're not parenting with ego at all. And then if they tell you something, you're not like, what is your problem? I mean, the whole point of the tickle fight is like to take you by surprise. Because the like, what what what world am I in right now? You know, they need, I'm not talking about gentle parenting and all that either. I'm talking about respecting people's boundaries, and I think it's really important because today, like, nobody knows how to just say, I'm sorry. I screwed up, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 25:59

It's so easy. I know it's so true. It's so funny because I feel like I apologize to my kids all the time. Like the other day, like my period was starting and I was really crabby and I knew I was crabby and I could hear myself being crabby and I still couldn't stop it. And then afterwards, I'd be like, Hey, buddy, I'm really sorry. Like my period just started. Like, I'm I was just, I was crabby and it was my fault and I'm sorry. And he was just like, it's okay, mommy, you know, and you're just like, great, like, you know, but it but it's it's so helpful to I've I have found it helpful to establish those routines now because I imagine as they get older, the things that I'm going to do that I'm like, oh, I need to apologize for that are gonna be very different, right? As they, you know, continue to grow and change and become these incredible humans that will probably also know how to press my buttons. And so I love that you're here helping us, like not only with you know, someone like me who have little kids, but also helping as they're getting older, right? And and the time with them in your home is probably shorter, you know, if you're working with people who are in high school or in college.

SPEAKER_01: 26:59

What is it? It goes fast, it goes so fast I can't even tell you. So they're in high school and that feels like a fast four years. But then let me just tell you, they get to college. You remember everything about drop-off. I mean, everyone's a mess. You're just a puddle. I mean, life as you knew it is totally different. The dynamic is different. You've been crying all summer on and off. You drop them off, and you cannot believe it. Like me a couple months ago, you're at the graduation, and you're like, no way were you just there for four years. It when I tell you it goes fast, it goes faster than anything you can imagine. So yeah, you really want to make the most of those years when they're in high school, and those are beyond tough years. I mean, some days you're just counting the minutes until they get to college. You're like, please send them to college. I can't take this anymore. But when you figure out, when you really dial in to the relationship and to the listening part, it's not gonna be that way.

SPEAKER_00: 27:52

Yeah. Oh, so beautiful, Randy. So, what is something like if somebody's listening and they haven't worked with you yet and they're really curious to like learn more? They're like, oh, I feel seen by Randy, maybe even a little called out. They're like, oh yeah, that's me. Um, what is just like a word of encouragement you would want to give them? If they're feeling like nervous, they're like, gosh, I feel like I've already screwed up so much, or like, I don't even know where to begin. What would be something that you would tell them to like help them kind of get going?

SPEAKER_01: 28:17

Oh, I would, I just love this. I would, it's so let me tell you, it's like a light switch. Okay. You can make this change so fast. It's not even like I'm talking about something. So I'll give you a very specific example. I used to, when I would go and uh spend time with said family member, I won't say who because I always get in trouble when talking about my kids, but my husband and I talk a lot on the phone, I guess. And I would always get in trouble for this. Like, this is all you do is talk on the phone. Every both of my kids say this to me. And I'm like, that's not true, that's not true. But then one day I realized, you know what? Like they maybe just want to spend time with me. So all of a sudden, overnight, you you're like, you know, I'm not taking that phone call. We'll talk when I see them later, whatever. Like instantaneously, you see this like, like you could just feel the tension when I'm about to take that call to like it just dissipates, and you have this incredible time, and you're like, all because of one clue that I picked up on. And it is never too late to change the relationship with your kids ever. And it can happen with little itty bitty tiny tweaks, but you have to dial in to each kid differently because no two kids are the same. And so what works for one might not work for the other one. Like your two, your two kids, they could be the same or they could be completely different. So it doesn't mean, you know what I mean? One might not care at all about spending time with you. They're just like, I love it when mom gets me gifts. The other one might love it when they spend time with you or whatever it is, acts of service, taking them to their sports. So it is not only not too late, but if you change you when you see the way that they accept love, it's an immediate change and shift in the relationship.

SPEAKER_00: 29:54

That's so beautiful. And that's such a great reminder, too. Like, my boys are 18 months apart. It took us a long time to get pregnant with my first. So for a second we're like, oh, we better like get started. And then it was like immediately, I'm like, oh, I guess they're gonna be really close together. But they couldn't be more different. Like they're they're similar in some ways, but like one is like in his head and he isn't like ridiculously bright. And one is like so heart focused and centered and so sensitive and like really picks up on how other people are feeling and is inquisitive about everybody and everything. And it's and it's so cool to see, but you're absolutely right. Like the way that I the time I spend with them is so the way I go about it is so different, right? And what what like encouragement you give to a parent who's like, ah, yes, my children are so different, and I can't figure out one, let alone both of them. What would you like tell that person?

SPEAKER_01: 30:44

Well, I'll tell you, it's interesting. I learned this a couple of years ago and it really helped me. So I love sharing this. But there's a doctor, Gary Chapman, who wrote a book called The Five Love Languages, and he has a test, a free test you can take online. Now, my kids, my whole family think that I'm batshit. So nobody would take that test with me. But when I looked at the test and I took it, I was able to identify my two kids and their personalities in that test. So when I looked at the test, I was like, okay, this one has this love language, this one has this love language, and I am going to tweak my parenting to their parenting styles. And when I tell you that it works, it's, you know, he doesn't tell you how to deal with it. But when you figure out which kid kind of ticks when they get something that like really fills their cup, that'll help the relationship so much. I really highly recommend taking it. And it's like a free 10-minute little test you can take online. It's very helpful.

SPEAKER_00: 31:38

I love that. I think I actually have that book somewhere on my book behind me because we were gifted it years and years ago, like when we first got married, and somebody wrote it to it, and they were like, This book changed everything for us. And we're like, oh well, we better do this like from the get-go.

SPEAKER_01: 31:50

Well, people think, okay, so the so he wrote it for relationships because he was a relationship coach or doctor. And he said that, and he basically said the same thing um that I said about the Guy Raz podcast. Like, everybody comes in and he boiled it down to the same five problems. So that's how he so he just was like, you know what? I'm gonna stop giving the same advice and I'm just gonna write a book. But the book is not just about a relationship with you and your partner, it's love language in general. So it applies to your kids and your extended family. You just start to look at people and be like, oh my gosh, you know, I realized when I did X, Y, and Z for them, like they were so over the moon. When I brought them some groceries, they must really love acts of service, you know? And when you realize that, you're just able to be a little bit better when you're around that person because you can figure out what makes them tick.

SPEAKER_00: 32:39

I love that so much. Well, and speaking of like books and boiling it down and stuff, I would love to hear about the book that you're writing. I actually just wrote my first book. I'm publishing it this fall. And so I feel you when you're like, oh my gosh, this is like so exciting to bring into the world. But also, like, at least for me, I was I I didn't with building a platform, I was like, Oh, I I didn't realize that writing the book was actually the easiest part to anybody. It's the publishing and sharing it with the world. That's not the the most uh time consuming and energy consuming thing. But I would love to hear like, what are you writing about? Like, what are you sharing with the world? Like, because I know everybody listening is like, I need more Randy in my life. So like sign us all up to get your book when it comes out.

SPEAKER_01: 33:18

Oh, for sure. Well, the first thing is all my social media I'm on is TikTok and Instagram at Brandy Crawford Coaching. And I say that because the book I wrote, so it's gonna sound funny. It's called Pickleball Parenting Playbook. And I use pickleball because I picked up pickleball a couple years ago. I am very athletic and I got on that pickleball court and I am humbled by people twice my age, and they continue, continue to kick my butt out there. But I started when I started playing pickleball, it just I had this like aha moment on the court one day. Everything I am learning, everything I am learning on the court correlates to being a parent and how I want to help parents take a step back. That's why I'm calling it the parenting playbook because I use all these pickleball terminologies, right? Like dinking, the art of having patience, you know, and poaching. Like don't poach your kid shots. And so it's just sort of a very funny, self-deprecating, humorous book about how bad I am at pickleball, but how each one of these things translates into helping your kid be more gritty and be more resilient and understand that they can get through life with failures, with grace, with you know, all these things are gonna happen to them. They're gonna be on losing teams. They're good, you know. Just the other day, it's really funny. I was playing with this group of gals that I've been playing with for two years now, and they're all really good. They're all better than me. But I started to make a lot of improvements to the point where I was winning some games. So the other day we played, so funny, and I mean I got smoked my last two games. And I'm like, what is going on? I am so mad right now. And then I was like, this is what's happening, ladies. While I'm getting better, you're getting better, and now I'm at the bottom of the pack again, you know? And I just have to laugh it off because it's like you get so frustrated, but you it's just you could play your best. You could play lights out and still lose. And we need our kids to understand that's gonna happen. So if you really want to be that good and you want to get to school and play with a D1 scholarship or all the things, how badly do you want it versus how badly does mommy and daddy want it? You know? And so that's what gave me the idea to translate it into calling it the pickleball parenting playbook. Also because I think pickleball as an idea and a concept is so fabulous because it just brings people together. I love everything about it.

SPEAKER_00: 35:28

Oh, I love that so much. I think that's so relatable, right? Because it's bringing, I I love books that are story, like filled with story. So I love that you're putting yourself and your pickleball experience into it. And there's nothing better than getting to have like a good chuckle while you're also learning about something that's like is can be serious, right? It's like, you know, our parenting and we don't want to mess it up and all this. And so to be able to learn from somebody who can teach in a way that you do. I mean, I'm already like, oh, I can't wait to read this book. Like, I love that so much. That's amazing. Oh, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_01: 35:57

It's you know, it's funny because I'm so excited about the book too. Because, you know, again, your kids are so young, but I mean, our teens and tweens and teens and college kids, they are in crisis today. I mean, their anxiety is through the roof, their mental health is through the roof, their body image issues, their suicide rates, suicidal ideation. I mean, it's really, really real. And it's because they just have no tools right now for coping and they have all this social media coming at them. And so I don't want to preach to parents ever because I'm not the person saying I know everything, I don't know everything. But after working with all these families and giving talks to all these moms and daughters, it's really evident to me how much more we could be doing at home to help our kids to grow by by stepping back a little bit more and letting them deal with adversity along the way versus we take care of everything, send them off to college, and now they're like, now what? Like, I don't want to talk to people. I don't have what do I do? I can't make friends. What do I do? I didn't get in a I mean, they're just not equipped.

SPEAKER_00: 36:57

Yeah. Oh no, you're so true. I mean, it's like it's such a crisis. And I love that you're helping. It feels I I heard this analogy once and I can't remember where I heard it, but it was talking about like if there is a crisis and you imagine that it's like a river flowing, and this person was like, I feel like I'm at the bottom of the river and I'm just pulling people out of the water. And they're like, How do I get to the top of the river and prevent this from happening in the first place? So I love that you're helping, you know, reactively in terms of coaching people in the moment, but then also proactively in that like you're writing this book and people can read it and it can help to have this like ripple effect in the world of, you know, how can we help the next generation be less anxious or be more present, like you were saying, or find joy, or, you know, even just learn those skills of like, okay, how do we get off of the tech and learn how to interact with people, right? I'm constantly telling my poor kids every time we eat out, I'm like, you have to make eye contact when you order your drink.

SPEAKER_01: 37:48

And they're like, oh god. That's amazing that you do that. Because our kids, these kids today, I mean, when I see a little one-year-old come in and they're literally like this on the iPad, and there's like dogs and puppies and all sorts of stuff around them, and they don't even, they don't even engage, they don't look up. That that's terrifying to me.

SPEAKER_00: 38:05

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because the world is happening around us. And while technically, you know, technology, not technically technology, words are so hard. I don't know how I have a podcast. Technology is amazing. You know, you and I can talk from different coasts of our country, you know, thousands of miles apart, but it can also be isolating, right? Especially when we're on these individual tablets and screens. And oh my gosh, no, I can't wait to read your book. I love like, I'm a voracious reader, so I'm like adding this to my mental TB really.

SPEAKER_01: 38:31

I love reading, I love it so much.

SPEAKER_00: 38:32

It's so good. Well, Randy, as we wrap up this conversation, because I could literally talk to you forever, your energy is so infectious. And I have to tell you on a personal note, I have a sister who, when she was little, I mean, she's she does not have an inside voice either. And once I went once I when she was little, I remember we were like, Can you use your inside voice? And her response was, and you'll love this. She goes, This is my inside voice. And I was like, Oh, okay, that's just how you're wired. So I love that about you. It endeared me to you immediately. But as we wrap up this conversation, what is just like one thing that you've learned in your life that you wish you could tell yourself from 20 years ago that you're like, man, if I could just reach back and just reach a handout to like past me and tell her this little nugget, it would have had such an impact. Does something come to mind for you?

SPEAKER_01: 39:21

I mean, I guess what I would think of is just that you can build confidence that it's not like you're born with it or not born with it. And so you could be a shy kid, or it doesn't matter who you are, you can build that confidence. But the only way you are ever gonna build confidence, whether you're six and seven, sixteen, twenty-seven, or sixty-seven, is by just taking action and doing something. And then the little wins add up. So it doesn't, we don't have to measure everything that has to be so grandiose. Just do little things that just and then you'll feel this. Like I did that. And uh God, it just it just makes you feel like a million bucks.

SPEAKER_00: 39:58

Yeah, absolutely. Um, action creates clarity is like one of my favorite sayings, and it's so true because it's like we can get stuck in our heads and make the big to-do lists and stuff, but until you actually do it, yeah, until you get into action, nothing actually changes. I like that. Action creates clarity. Clarity, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 40:13

Yeah, I've not heard that. I like that.

SPEAKER_00: 40:14

Yeah, yeah. I have to remind myself of that all the time when I'm like, I'm a little scared to try this thing, and I'm like, action creates clarity. Even if the clarity is like this isn't for me, at least now I know it. Even if I'm clear, that was a bad choice. But yeah, even when I started my podcast, I was like, okay, I'm gonna do 10 episodes, and if I royally suck, I am giving myself permission to stop, right? And now we're 370-something episodes in, right? And so, but sometimes you just have to tell yourself, like, it's okay to try something new. You get into action, and maybe you find out you love it, like pickleball, or maybe you try it and you're like, no, this isn't for me. But you you're never gonna know until you get into action.

SPEAKER_01: 40:49

Well, and then to add one more sentence to that, I think the next question you would ask is, what's the worst thing that can happen?

SPEAKER_00: 40:54

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01: 40:55

Like with your podcast, what's the worst thing that can happen with my pickleball? You know, really, what is the worst thing? And if it's something that's dangerous, that's a whole other subject. And if it's not, like trying to work in anthropology, what was the worst thing that could happen?

SPEAKER_00: 41:07

You know, really nothing. Yeah, like you know, you go and you're like, actually, this is not for me, and that's okay, right? Or like, you know, I published 10 episodes of a podcast back in 2020, and I'm like, yeah, that was a good experiment, but on to the next thing, right? But you you don't know until you try, right? And yep, so now you like I have a tattoo that says do it scared. And like, I feel like everything I've done that I'm like proud of or excited about, like, I was always scared to start. Like, I used to sweat through my t-shirt when I was recording solo episodes because I was like, I'm so nervous, right? And now I'm like, oh no, like I love recording, right? But you have to like repetition, right? You gotta keep putting yourself out there. You do, you definitely do. Well, you're amazing at it, so you're very nervous. Well, thank you. Thank you. You're amazing at what you do. And speaking of that, Randy, so remind us again, where can everybody find you on Instagram, on TikTok? Um, and how can folks get in touch with you if they're listening to you right now and they're like, holy smokes, Randy is speaking to me and I need to work with her with my child.

SPEAKER_01: 42:03

So I have a website and it's just Randy Crawford Coaching, Randy with an I, randycrawford coaching.com. So yeah, they can find me on my website and then just book and free session to start and let's go. Amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 42:14

And friends, we're gonna put, yes, you guys can't see Randy right now, but she's got a hat on. It says let's go. And immediately as soon as you hopped on the call, I was like, this is gonna be so much fun. Like she's wearing a let's go hat. Like, let's do this. And friends, we're gonna put links to everything in the episode notes too. So if you're driving right now and you're like, what was that? Just scroll down in the episode. We got you. Um, get connected with Randy, support her, be part of her community, and then get the book when it comes out. So, do you have how are you like, where are you at in the manuscript? How's it going?

SPEAKER_01: 42:40

It's going really well. We're far, far along in the manuscript and um in search, have the editor in search of the agent right now so we can get a nice big publisher. That's where we're at.

SPEAKER_00: 42:49

Amazing. That's awesome. Well, Brandy, keep me posted. When you put together a launch team, let me know. I would love to be part of it and share you with my community and your book and the work that you're doing. And thank you so much for just being who you are, for bringing the energy that you do to the world and just for your time today. This has been absolutely beautiful.

SPEAKER_01: 43:04

Thank you. I loved every minute of it too. I absolutely, this could not have been more fun. Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00: 43:11

Thank you for tuning into the Owning Her Authority podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, here's how we can keep that momentum going. First, make sure you're subscribed to the show so you never miss an episode and continue to fuel your journey of growth and expansion. Next, share the inspiration. Take a screenshot of the episode and share it on your Instagram stories. Tagging me at Miss K House. That's at M S K A T E H O U S E. So we can get connected and inspire other women to own their voice too. And finally, if you're feeling extra generous, please leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach even more women who are ascending into their power. And as my special thank you for your time and your energy, I would love to support you in moving from overwhelmed to empowered with my complimentary Overcoming Overwhelm masterclass. During this 60-minute masterclass, you'll learn practical strategies for managing stress, finding clarity, and stepping into your authority. Click on the link in the episode description below to access this free training and start your journey today. I'm so grateful to have you as part of the Owning Her Authority community. Remember, it's time to rise, claim your future, and set the world ablaze with your vision. Let's do this together.